*Originally posted June 4, 2015*
“It takes a lot to ruin my day.”
I heard a co-worker say this today. My immediate thought was, “I wish I was like that!” because I find that things going wrong/other people’s actions can have a large negative effect on my day. And I really wonder why.
I am a very emotional person. Most people think “emotional” and think screaming and crying at the slightest upsetting event. But I’ve come to realize that “emotional” isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Yes, I cry when I watch movies and read books and I get quite angry and annoyed when people are stupid, but I also feel all of the happy emotions in a very big way, too. I can read a birthday card and become quite touched at the kind words and get teary, when I hear a really good joke (and when I say a good joke, I mean good to me. The horribly cheesy jokes are the best) I laugh REALLY hard and feel the happiness all throughout myself. I think the biggest and best example of the good part of me being “emotional” is the way that I love people. I am very emotional so I feel everything very strongly. When I love you, I really love you. I want to make you happy, I want to help you, I am proud of you, I support you, I am happy in your presence…and, again due to the emotional part of me, me being happy means I am really happy. I giggle, I get all bubbly and excited, and I have fun. I really think that those good emotions and the way that I am “emotional” in that aspect are some of my best qualities and I am happy that I feel good things in those ways. (I think those that I love are happy about it, too!)
However, there are the sad/upsetting emotions that I feel just as strongly. Having to spend time with people that drive me crazy makes me really grumpy, I get nit-picky at times about my pet peeves and I get really angry and frustrated, and when something goes wrong I am quick to tear up and cry. I can be quite whiney at times and me and misery do love company. I like to be comforted by those that I love and don’t like dealing with things by myself.
Now, I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about how my emotions affect me and how they aren’t necessarily a bad thing. I’ve learned how to better deal with the bad emotions and how to hold on to the happy ones. I have an amazing support system that I can turn to when I’m upset. My family, boyfriend, and friends are truly the most amazing people I’ve ever met and I owe, really, my mental health to them lol
But I haven’t really spent enough time thinking about how my being emotional affects them. I vent about the stupid people I run into (I work in customer service. They. Are. Everywhere.), I get grouchy and it’s probably worse when I’m grumpy than when the average person gets grumpy because I am quite emotional, and when something goes wrong and I cry, I lean on the people nearest to me which, unfortunately, happens often. One of the biggest and best examples of the bad part of being emotional is probably when I’m lonely. When I’m lonely, I cry, I wanna talk, I wanna be around people. (Doesn’t everyone?) But that means that my mom, my friends, my boyfriend, don’t really get any Niki-free time. This part of my emotional being has to be exhausting for them. Actually, I know it’s exhausting for them as realizing that is what prompted this blog post. And now I know it might sound kind of dramatic, but I don’t want loving me to be an exhausting task.
What would I do if someone was very upset about things going wrong, feeling overwhelmed and stressed weekly, crying, and getting frustrated with me more often than the average bear? Would it be okay because they were also super bubbly and excited about seemingly small things and that often makes me feel happy, too? Would it be okay because I loved them for all of the wonderful things that they are? Or would it make me angry, tired, and sick of them?
This is one of the colours of my soul that sits beside a contrasting colour and I’m not sure how much I like them sitting together. Why can’t the happy emotional live without the bad emotional? Is it wrong to label it “bad emotional”?
I think perhaps it would be best to try meditating more. Taking more naps when I’m sleepy so I don’t get grumpy. Taking a moment to put things into perspective when things go wrong. Venting via journaling. Maybe when I take an active approach, I will be able to say, “It takes a lot to ruin my day.” And maybe when that happens, I will still be “emotional” but I won’t also be exhausting.
** Reading this after I wrote it, I sound bipolar. I promise I’m not lol I’m just more emotional than the average person. Not so much so that I am clinically diagnosed as having any sort of mood disorder, though 😛 **